Client: “I’ve tried everything, but I’m still trapped in the same patterns. It feels like no matter what I do, I’m doomed to repeat the same painful experiences. Why do I keep sabotaging myself? Why can’t I let people in, even when I crave connection? Why does it feel like I’m constantly running from pain that never leaves?”
If these thoughts echo in your mind, you’re not alone. So many of us are trapped in this cycle haunted by a past that seems to follow us, no matter how far we think we’ve come. Whether it’s the wounds of generational trauma passed down like an unwelcome inheritance or the scars from early childhood that never healed, the pain feels like a shadow that’s always there. You might wonder why it’s so hard to break free, why the past refuses to stay in the past.
Chapters 3 and 4 of Janina Fisher’s Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors dive deep into this experience, offering profound insights into why the past has such a powerful hold on us.
The unseen battle within: Your childhood mind is still in charge
Imagine for a moment that part of you is still that little child, perhaps 5 or 6 years old, who felt scared, unloved, or unsafe. Maybe you remember being told you weren’t enough, or perhaps you weren’t told anything at all, eft alone in your pain. This child within you didn’t just disappear as you grew older. Instead, they’re still with you, trying to protect you from experiencing that pain again.
Picture this: you’re in a relationship, and suddenly, out of nowhere, you feel terrified that the other person will leave you. You know logically that there’s no reason to worry, but emotionally, you’re right back in that moment when you were 6 years old, desperately trying to get your parents’ attention, feeling invisible and unworthy. Or imagine you’re at work, and a minor criticism sends you into a spiral of self-doubt, just like when you were a child and felt like nothing you did was ever good enough.
These scenarios aren’t just about overreacting, they’re about parts of you being stuck in survival mode, responding as if you’re still that child, needing to protect yourself from pain that feels just as real now as it did then. Chapter 3 of Fisher’s book explains that these early survival strategies were essential back then, but now they keep you trapped in a loop, making it hard to move forward.
Generational trauma: Carrying the burdens of the past
Maybe your pain feels like it’s bigger than just your own life, like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. That’s because you might be dealing with generational trauma, an invisible burden passed down through the family line.
But what does that really mean? It means you could be reacting to fears and anxieties that didn’t even start with you. Maybe your parents grew up in a household where love was conditional, and that’s shaped the way they showed love to you. Or perhaps your grandparents lived through a war, and the fear they carried was passed down like a family heirloom. Chapter 4 of Fisher’s book talks about how these inherited patterns can shape your life, keeping you locked in cycles of fear, shame, and self-doubt that feel impossible to escape.
It’s like living in a house where the walls are filled with whispers of the past, voices you can’t quite hear but that influence everything you do. And until you start to recognize these patterns and where they come from, it can feel like you’re fighting a battle with ghosts.
Why you can’t just ‘get over it’
People often say, “Just move on” or “Let it go,” as if it were that simple. But if it were, you would have done it by now, right? The truth is, these wounds run deep, embedded in both your mind and body. Fisher explains that trauma doesn’t just leave a scar, it fragments your sense of self, splitting you into parts that carry pain, anger, and fear.
For those who experienced trauma between the ages of 0-7, these parts of you are often frozen in time, stuck in that period of your life when you felt the most helpless. So when someone tells you to “just get over it,” they’re asking these wounded parts to do something they simply can’t do, they’re still in survival mode, trying to protect you from a world that feels just as dangerous now as it did then.
The path to healing: Integration, not elimination
So, how do you move forward? According to Fisher, the goal isn’t to eliminate these parts of yourself but to integrate them. This means acknowledging the pain and fear that these parts carry and helping them understand that you, as an adult, are now in charge.
What does this look like in real life? It’s about having a compassionate conversation with these younger, wounded parts of yourself. You might say, “I know you’re scared, but I’m here now. We’re safe.” This process, as Fisher describes in Chapters 3 and 4, helps you start healing these fragmented parts, making you feel whole again.
Healing isn’t about forgetting the past, it’s about reclaiming your power from it.
You are not alone
If any of this resonates with you, know that you’re not alone. Many of us are carrying the weight of childhood and generational trauma. But as Fisher’s work reminds us, healing is possible. It starts with understanding, compassion, and the courage to confront those hidden wounds.
Your journey towards healing begins when you recognize that these parts of you, though wounded, are not your enemy. They’re survivors, just like you. And with the right support, they can become a source of strength, rather than pain.
