We live in a world that has endured trauma for thousands of years, a fragmented world where sensing, feeling, and thinking no longer function as a cohesive unit. This fragmentation impacts our mental, emotional, and physical experiences. Growing up, many of us didn’t realize that the behaviors and symptoms seen in our parents, teachers, and society often stemmed from trauma. Consequently, our nervous systems have been conditioned by a world that simultaneously exhibits healthy, integrated structures of life, consciousness, and presence while also being characterized by significant absence, what I like to call the signature of trauma.
Understanding trauma
Think of trauma like a freezer. Just as a freezer keeps food frozen, trauma keeps parts of our vitality and liveliness in a state of freezing or absence. Trauma isn’t just a singular past event but an ongoing freezing process demanding our current life energy, often manifesting as numbness.
When we’re numb, we can’t perceive parts of our lives. Presence, on the other hand, is when we are aware, compassionate, and kind at our core. It involves our nervous system being open and engaged, allowing us to be aware of our inner world and maintain awareness of others. This unified experience lets us witness information as it arises moment to moment.
Absencing helped us cope better during overwhelming moments by shutting down parts of ourselves, resulting in closed minds, hearts, and disconnection from others. By tracking our absence, we can uncover deep pain. Realizing that numbness is a safety mechanism is crucial for healing childhood trauma.
Recognizing symptoms of numbness
- Feeling helpless and unable to change things
- Attributing success and abilities to external factors
- Dissociative disorders, such as difficulty remembering traumatic events or having multiple personality states
- Problems handling intense emotions
- Sudden and unexpected mood shifts
Healing childhood trauma: Reconnecting with yourself
Healing childhood trauma and reconnecting with your emotions can be confusing and frustrating. While a self-help book is a quick option, it may not hand you the answer because they only offer intellectual ideas. The problem with emotional numbness is that we live in our heads, not our hearts, and in the head, there are no emotions. So, how do we move from thinking to feeling?”
- Patience and acceptance Healing takes time and patience. Accept that part of you might resist going back to your emotions because that’s where pain resides. This isn’t a quick fix; it’s about gradually deepening your ability to feel.
- Self-care and guilt-free play Prioritize self-care, ‘me time’ and guilt-free play. Treat yourself as valuable and important. Creating a safe and nurturing environment helps your emotions catch up.
- Breathing Focus on your breath. Breathing shifts your focus from the mind, from the external world with all the dramas and stories and struggles which we usually turn to our brain to help us strategize, and make plans. the breathing is meant to bring us back to our heart, it’s the simplest way to stay focused on what’s happening inside of our body. Consider techniques like holotropic breathwork to reconnect with your body.
- Feel the numbness Embrace numbness as an experience. Feel into the nothingness and allow any frustration or anxiety to surface.
- Surrender Embrace the feeling of wanting to give up. This often precedes a breakthrough. Surrendering helps you relax and opens you up to healing.
- Self-soothing Place your hands on any part of your body where you feel something, even if it’s frustration or numbness. This helps you stay focused on your body and signals that you are present for whatever comes up.
Healing childhood trauma is about reconnecting with your emotions and your true self. Remember, it’s not about feeling good immediately, but about becoming good at feeling.
